As most of you know my mom was battling her own demons for a long time, but I refuse to dwell on the past and how some things could have been different, instead I like to think that as of sunday she was freed of those demons, her sadness turned to happiness and she was reborn, reborn into that once vibrant young women she once was and yearned to be again. Quick story about my mom: When I was 4 years old and learned about death, I asked mom if she was going to die one day, she hesitated but strongly said 'Si ma pero primero tiene que pasar muuuuuuucho tiempo, me muero de viejita toda arrugada, canosa y fea,' but instesd you died young and beautiful. I asked her what happens after she dies and she said she will go to heaven and watch over me. I of course got nervous because I knew she would find out from God about all of the crap i pulled that she didn't know about. My future self could almost feel her famous under arm pinch from heaven. Dear Mom, Over the years I doubted my faith and doubted if there was a life after death, I know there is one now because i find it hard to believe that someone as strong, beautiful, and full of life just can't seize to exist. I also know because in the last few days that have gone by when I feel that rush of anxiety and pain all of a sudden my mind is flooded with beautiful memories that I didn't know I still had, I can find a memory in almost anything and anywhere, I can hear you telling me 'ya no llores ma’, I know you are beside me because I can almost smell your perfume and makeup as you comfort me in my sleep. At night I feel you scratching my back and I fall into the deepest sleep. I know that all of that is you being there for me. Mami please send me more beautiful memories, I will play them over in my mind and tell Lillian, I promise she will know you all her life. I also promise that I will never refer to you in the past but always in the present, we will walk side by side just not hand in hand. When I am driving alone in the car you will be sitting in the passenger seat hitting your imaginary breaks as you always did because of my insane driving. I will hear you say those classic sayings that always made us laugh, ishto, parties y fiestas, y como joden I promise to flood your fb page with Lillians pictures and updates. Mami I want to thank you for giving me my brothers and  sister, we will help each other survive this. I look at each one and see a little bit of you in them. Dianas wild hair, Alex's huge eyes, and Carl’s big heart. I love you mama. Everyone that has their moms still with them, hold them a little closer, hug them a little tighter, kiss them a few more times than usual and you can never say I love you too much.